You know when you have those weeks that seem to drag on for eternity, and every day reveals another blinding symbolic sign that the world hates you. You discover that your crush deleted you in his latest cull on Facebook, your own mother says, ‘I saw your ex at the Gym, he’s looking great!’, your best friends are going away for the weekend without a hint of an invitation, and the stunning French boy you took to dinner in December is now dating a bronzed hotty.
Well Perth’s Serial Dater never has those weeks, for he is (clearly) that bronzed hotty! But with all the doom and gloom in the world, how is continued courting so carefree and easy? PSD has no trouble, so why do you?
One word.
Desperado.
Is that what you are? Listen up, Ladyboys and Gentlemincers, if any of the following are familiar then you’re entering the desperate realm:
a) You feel as though you are the ‘nice guy’ and your qualities are all internal,
b) Men don’t tend to give you attention at a club but you believe it’s because ‘they don’t know you’,
c) Lesbians and F-hags flock to your side and say, ‘You’re so nice, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?’.
Sounding familiar?
Let me guess, approaching Valentines Day you’ve thought about who you’re going to surprise with a sweet unexpected gift.
The best advice? Stop, stop, stop; put your needs on the ground or flush all hopes of a successful Valentine Campaign 2010.
So what makes a Serial Dater so successful?
Being unavailable is the best makeover you can possibly hope to have. If you don’t have plans, make them. If you can’t make plans, fake them. Today is never a good day. Even if they ask and you’re free; you’re actually kinda busy. Get the picture?
Get your arse to a health and fitness club. Step 1? Exercise. The other steps can only be referred to as profit. Refer to the Gym Date Theory in PSD’s adventures, October 2009. Self-improvement equals self-confidence! You’ve gotta be hot to boot.
PSD has only one rule. Be the captain of your own ship. Take control. In a world where everybody stands back for fear of rejection or failure, the gold is there for the taking. The experience is there to be gained. The prize is there to be won. Don’t stand back and watch that delicious looking lad buy his own drink – approach him and get him to buy two! If you’re not interesting, become interesting.
Tips for Desperados on Valentines Day:
1. Put your needy pants away. It is a day like any other in a year like any other.
2. Unless you have been seeing someone for at least 3 weeks, roses aren’t necessary. Neither is a card, chocolates, socks, jocks, picnics, dinners, back-rubs, foot-rubs, etcetera.
3. Go out to dinner with your BFF. If he isn’t single, go out to dinner with your straighty-180 mates. If you have none of those, it’s time to have a ‘too gay to function’ check-up with your local GP.
So back to our favourite Pleasure Prince, our Sultan of Sexuality, PSD. He has been getting attention from a highly desirable French Gourmet Chef. The taste? Amazing. I suggest you try and get your hands on a meal, it is certain ecstasy for your tongue. The sex? If there was a book called ‘The 5 Star Guide to the Human Senses’, PSD wrote it.
Parlez-vous français?
Oui, Oui.
