Here at OUTinPerth we have small feminine hands. We pride ourselves on the delicate curl of our tiny pinkies, the petite protrusion of our knuckles, the slightness of our phalanges. Know that this entire paper is crafted by a team specifically chosen because of their small feminine hands. Now, watch closely – very closely – as we hold them aloft and try to muster spirit fingers… or rather oscillate our claws wildly.
Are you going to Kate’s Party? We are. We’re going with our new favourite lesbian Justin Bieber, whose bringing Grandpa Slash and some strippers. We’re going to wear turbans, dance dirty with Chuck Norris and generally act like a hot mess. Oh… and Kate rang. She wants me to play naked Twister with Linda Evangelista at Kate’s Party. So I rang Linda and she said yes, although she won’t get out of bed and make an appearance for less than 10,000. I told her that’s fine, I could muster at least 60,000. Geez… I hope Linda realised I meant people…!
After Kate’s Party this Saturday night, why not head over to Connections Nightclub for the opening of their brand spanking new Mayday. It’s a super stylish fest featuring Swish, Feminem, Jae, Ben and The Giselle. This event spans three Saturday nights from May 1 to May 15 and promises to be intergalactic. It’s a mash of far-fetched futurama thrown together in some mad mad outfits designed by The Giselle (former lead singer of Giselle & The Tokyo Red Eyes) and made by the ever gorgeous Anne Marie Therese. With a colour palette of lime green, lemon and mandarin, this promises to be a zesty extravaganza featuring heaps of hits like GaGa’s Telephone plus some Korean pop… guess whose doing that number. Bigger than Justin Bieber in a turban in the kitchen of Kate’s Party (but only just), Mayday will blow you away.
This just in… Linda Evangelista will be wearing a turban for the duration of her naked Twister at Kate’s Party. Hot. I can’t wait for her to place her left small feminine hand on my big red dot.
Mmmmmm, it’s time to get Sweet. This fundraiser for GLCS happens Sunday May 16 from 1.30pm at The Court Hotel. This is going to be a huge event. Last year was so big it filled all our cavities… and then some. Why not bake a cake and see if you can win. Fabulous host Ms Mabel, she of the exploding wig, will be there to introduce all the cakey categories, like Vegan Cake Category, Professional Cupcakes Category or Best in Show. Maybe you could make Kate’s Party Cake, brimming with 60,000 uninvited additives (unfortunately there isn’t a Cake Made By Small Feminine Hands Category this year). Extra entertainment from ‘fly-me-to-the-moon’ duo David Gray and Rebecca Daniels. There’s even a Best Dressed for the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, so dress-up and go nuts. Nuts like a fruit cake that is. For more info read the article on page 9. For registration details visit www.sweetbakeoff.com.
If I were having a party I would name it “Eurydice Collette Klytemnestra Dido Bathsheba Patricia Rabelais Kate’s Party Stone”! Now, take it away… and bring me another party… Kate.
Gushing. Every girl’s doing it. Are you?
It can be reported that Swish was last sighted up a tree somewhere in West Perth, in a usual rambling mess, the kind of which she acquires from Sunday through to Sunday. Later that day… which could really be anywhere in that 168 hour spectrum… she reportedly got ditched in some random room in some random hotel in some random part of West Perth. Apparently she was saved after making numerous phone calls and barraging her friends with threats of not taking them to Kate’s Party, which they took very seriously, since everyone wants to go to Kate’s Party. Kate has still to confirm whether she will be installing trees specifically for Swish this weekend as part of Kate’s Party but one thing is for sure… it’ll be easier to lose Swish in a throng of 60,000 people.
You’ve gotta love a dress-up, and this one is a doozy! Saturday May 22 is Dia De Los Muertos, or the Mexican Day of the Dead. Now, this is a stylised zombie-fest, the likes of which I recommend doing a Google image search for to get the feel just pat. It’s not all brains and blood but rather bold lined skulls, slightly deranged on Tequila worms. Think Speedy Gonzales possessed by a demonic piñata and you’ve touched the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Room dressage courtesy of the master of room dressage, Mr Malcolm Hughes, working in conjunction with Tracy and a team of creatives. On La Terrace will be DJs Tim Brown, Cinnamon and Sharif while the Main Room will feature DJs Johnni P, Reuben and Brian. Sure to be visual feast unlike anything you’ve ever known before.
Sandy Beaches is going to Kate’s party. In fact she’s bringing banana bread. She’s going to be the LiLo of Kate’s Party. We’re hiring an Escalade just so Sandy can fall out of it, drunk, sans knickers. It’s going to be hotter than a hot mess. In fact it’s going to be such a hot mess it’ll be a hot gender mess with a shoe on its head… and wearing small feminine hands.
The Giselle. Spot Show. Saturday May 29. Enough said.
Coming up in June is a fashion show for all the emo kids and goth chic freaks. Attitude Oz will be hosting a fashion event sure to make you wanna peak. Kate from Kate’s Party is rumoured to be trying to get on the doorlist, it’s going to be that big. Happens June 12. Go to www.attitudeoz.com.au to see if you have what it takes to appear in the fashion parade.
For more on Kate’s Party head to page 38 and read my estranged sister’s take on the next month according to the stars. Yes, Beau de Vine’s Horror-scopes are going to Kate’s Party. How about yourself?
Oh, by the way… Kate rang.
Love
mOther
xoxox
