Hi-dee-hi, Campers!
Well, the rehearsals were brutal (I’ve never seen a pantomime horse break all four legs and have to be put down by a makeup lady before), the stage smells like cat pee (honestly, you’d think someone of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s calibre would clean up after his productions) and the choirmaster still hasn’t gotten all the brush-tailed possums out of the pipe organ, but we’re putting on a show! Now I know that musical theatre is the traditional realm of the gay male, but we do want to attract at least some heterosexual viewers to opening night or else the producer’ll bung us on some Cable Network between a cooking show, all three of Toni Collette’s personalities and the latest forensic crime spinoff, CSI: MUPPET THEATRE (I reckon Fozzy Bear did it; or maybe that Swedish Chef Guy is an Al-Qaeda sleeper ) so I’ve taken the liberty of adding a few gorgeous women to the cast- but don’t worry, I’ve balanced it out with some completely gratuitous male beefcake. So shine up your tap-shoes, sew on some sequins and break out the jazz hands as we share the limelight with GLEE (Ten, Thursdays at 7pm).
GLEE is a musical comedy/drama about the trials and tribulations of a High-School Glee club (a choir that specializes in singing and dancing). The show has been deservedly described as ‘the gayest non-gay show on television’ and indeed in the first episode alone, we get a main character with same sex parents, a gay sex scandal, a coming out scene and a (musical!) beefcake shower scene.
The series is set in a fictional William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio- fans of B-grade horror may recognize Lima as one of the neighbouring communities to Gatlin, home of the evil adult-killing children in Stephen King’s CHILDREN OF THE CORN (I can just imagine the gang from GLEE performing a musical ode to Gatlin, dressed as undead scarecrows with rusty pitchforks and gaily harmonizing ‘If we only had YOUR brains!’).
Alas, this is musical comedy, not B-grade horror, so the only things being ripped out of young bodies are notes in the high-c range. There’s a hell of a lot of singing and dancing per episode as this school seems to rely not on the three R’s, but the three T’s- Tap, Tambourines and Torch Songs. Most of the episodes feature at least five musical numbers, which are almost always done as performances for the Glee club- this isn’t one of those bizarro SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN type dealies where characters start singing, out loud, to nobody for no reason, whilst an invisible orchestra keeps time.
Matthew Morris takes the lead as Will, a former Spanish teacher who takes it upon itself to return the Glee club to the lofty heights it once had before the aforementioned gay sex scandal brought it into disrepute. Professional scene-stealer Jane Lynch (The L-WORD, ROLE MODELS) is the unapologetically evil Sue Sylvester, head coach of the school’s cheer-leading squad and the Freddy Krueger of the pom-pom circuit. Though she loathes the Glee club, circumstances (and the script) eventually force her to become Will’s co-Glee-leader, much to her chagrin. Also breaking out the jazz hands are the hunky Corey Monteith as Finn Johnson, a champion quarterback on the football team who throws caution, the pig-skin (and frequently, his uniform) to the wind and joins the glee club; Rachel Berry (Lea Michelle) a talented singer who is targeted for ridicule because she has two dads; Artie Abrahms (Kevin McHale) who has the song part down but is a little hampered in the dancing front by his a wheelchair; ‘Puck’ Puckerman (hunky Mark Salling) a former friend of Finn’s from the football team who is gradually wooed into becoming a glee-er himself; Tina Cohen-Chang (Jenny Ushkowitz) an unsmiling, creepy goth girl who can belt out a mean power ballad (think Wednesday Addams meets Bette Midler) and Chris Colfer as the Glee squad’s token queer, Kurt Hummel.
And yet, despite the gayness of the show, and the undeniably catchy fun of the whole production, not everything about GLEE will bring a smile to your face. Much is made of Will’s predecessor, the former glee club teacher Sandy (permanently employed as a succession of geeks/teachers/scientists character actor Stephen Toblowsky) being gay- and also being a sexual predator who groped (at least) several of his male students, leading to his dismissal. Meanwhile, Jane Lynch’s evil gym teacher is allowed to seduce the 16-year old Puck without punishment, presumably because it’s an unethical but nevertheless heterosexual coupling.
Also, the show seems to exist in the same weird parallel Earth as the recent cinematic remake of FAME- this strange version of our planet looks and sounds the same, but musical theatre is very much dominated by heterosexuals- when they’ve done doing the jazz hands, the kids make the pantomime horse with two backs, and there are plenty of pregnancy scares and heterosexual first loves all around. Meanwhile, for all his bravado and cockiness (and a great coming out scene to his dad that is almost as good as Jack McPhee’s in DAWSON’S CREEK) Gay glee-er Kurt feels very token and is very stereotypical – disco and sequin loving, finger-snappingly fabulous. Guess which character gets to don drag in at the very first opportunity?
And whilst all the other hettie male characters are getting it on and played by hotties, the endearing but not-hot Chris Colfer (very much a cute kid brother type) remains so far predictably nookie free. But hey, it’s early days yet- future episodes promise more storylines and a possible love-interest for Kurt, plus guest appearances from Victor Garber, hot (and out) Broadway hunk Cheyenne Jackson and (drumroll) Whitney Houston- although if she starts doing that Bodyguard song, I will plug my ears and run for the nearest exit.
Put on your tights, strike up a tune, and get in the audience!
***
