‘See that guy over there. He has HIV and that one does too.’
The strategy of avoiding the risk of acquiring HIV by avoiding people with HIV may seem logical and sound from the perspective of someone who is HIV negative. This strategy even had some efficacy in the early days of the HIV epidemic when it was obvious that some people had compromised immune systems.
Consequently, a few small social groups imagined themselves immune from HIV, possibly because of Perth’s low HIV prevalence (approximately 1in 20 gay men). They thought no one in their group was living with HIV or ever would be.
‘Black humour’ and derogatory songs were created. In time, some people within these social groups experienced vulnerable moments, had unsafe sex and were diagnosed with HIV. However they now felt disclosing their HIV status was the equivalent of social suicide. Instead the very people they considered to be friends, who would normally be a support during challenging times, became prosecutors of prejudice and judgement.
As a community it is important we are conscious of the life scripts we play out and hold on to. A common one, which is particularly marginalising for gay men, is that that they deserve to have a miserable life, grow old and lonely and die of AIDS. Many of us will recognise this type of internalised homophobia and work hard to overcome it.
Unfortunately old destructive beliefs re-emerge when difficult life challenges present themselves such as being diagnosed with HIV. If we ignore people, or try to attach ourselves to the notion of independence and an ‘I will survive’ attitude, we may fail to recognise that we need support and love. We may dismiss the opportunity to reach out to each another or seek professional assistance.
Guys who are not infected with HIV can respond to these situations by acknowledging the presence of ‘black humour’ but then making clear personal statements that they would support anyone in the group who is living with HIV and would welcome their ongoing friendship. After all, to love and be loved is a birthright of everyone.
People living with HIV should welcome the support of the majority of the community who do care. This will build acceptance and respect.
Gossip and black humour about who has HIV, or whether some one is ‘clean’, will not assist prejudiced eyes to see what living with HIV is all about. Only when human and compassionate eyes view those living with HIV will they reveal, and make visible, their HIV status to you. If you have a social circle greater than 20 the likelihood is someone living with HIV is already in your life.
