ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19)
Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Like Frankenstein being pursued by a marauding mob of angry, torch wielding villagers, you seek a little solitude away from the maddening crowd this month Aries. Understandably too: they’re expecting far too much from you, Aries, particularly at work. Hide away in an abandoned church on the 3rd, but be prepared to reconnect with humanity at the end of the month. Despite your hideous patchwork appearance of human limbs, they’ll love with you Franken-ram. By the end of the month you’ll be wearing your heart on your sleeve – or at least have it dangling from your decaying chest. Yes, we’re all a little surprised too that you make a sudden new friend around the 23rd or 25th – maybe love is blind….
TAURUS (APR 20 – MAY 20)
Want a solar eclipse of the heart, Taurus? Well, this month it’s yours. But not heart in a lovey dove sense – that’s happening regardless. What? Someone finds our hideous minotaur loveable? Yes, they do, and they’ll be chasing you like a kitten after a ball of string around the 3rd. Expect a deal to be brokered around the 8th, same time you and a friend kiss and make up. But the solar eclipse of the heart? That happens on the 19th, when your passions begin to gain momentum. Follow them, dear bull – down the road they’ll be blossoming.
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)
Two heads may be better than one, but two hearts?!? Expect high running emotions on the 3rd, particularly toward a family member. Communication cock-ups, which have featured largely in your life up to date, are about to smooth themselves out. Projects move forward, career prospects look up…hell, pigs are even flying. Seek new directions at work around the 25th and take time to confide with someone close to you – your two hearts together will be more endearing than some Kylie song any day!
CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)
Time to feel secure inside that snug little shell of yours Cancer – harmony hurls itself upon you this month. Be it at work, in love, around the home – harmony is there, vomiting its sickly sweetness over all aspects of your life. Well, nearly everywhere. The beginning of the month is a little restless as you tackle a travel or legal matter. However, once settled, you settle and everything follows suit. Personal affairs, work issues and communication mishaps will all succumb to the violent up-chuck of harmony’s vomitous presence. Bluuurrgh!
LEO (JULY 23 – AUG 22)
Ooooh la la…time to slip into the expensive designer negligee or pair of boxer briefs this month pussy cat, it seems love and money are on the up. Finances in particular seem to be of importance this March, so grab them by the mane and pull them into shape – taxes, debt, shared resources and the like can all be brought into line like a meek little mouse under your huge paw. The love? Romance appears or stabilizes, depending on your status. On the 25th, however, don’t confuse these affairs of the heart with confusing matters surrounding a partnership.
VIRGO (AUG 23 – SEPT 22)
When they say you should channel your inner child, Virgo, they don’t mean you should do it literally. Mind you, the lunar eclipse around the 3rd is the whole reason your emotions are running so darn high. For all our sakes, maybe you should try working alone for the better half of the month. It means we won’t have to deal with your bratty outcries, especially with your job being so demanding – just like you. Fortunately the solar eclipse on the 19th brings new beginnings to partnerships…and hopefully a new attitude for you.
LIBRA (SEPT 23 – OCT 22)
Romance is hot hot hot this month, loveable Libra! Get ready for a little starry eyed-ness this March – you’re more companionable than ever. So look toward your special someone to confide in because they’ll respect that especially. The solar eclipse on the 19th brings new work opportunities your way, ones which last for months to come. A warning though – be prepared for a work or health matter which will unsettle you early on this month. Something hidden may come bubbling to the surface…
SCORPIO (OCT 23 – NOV 21)
Reap the rewards of a job well done, oh stinging one, as your work brings home the proverbial bacon in the form of respect, security and other reaffirming qualities which are often so alien to a deviant like yourself. Romance rears its head as well, unsettling you at first, then smoothing itself over, all before smacking you with its glorious right hook on the 19th as new beginnings, well, begin.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22 – DEC 20)
Domestic disruptions should have your head spinning around in true green pea soup spewing Linda Blair fashion this month. Sorry, that should be Linda Bluuuuuurgh! To add to the whole demonic experience you’re gonna have a celebrity-like moment when your public and private lives will need to be reconciled. Creativity and love feature heavily this month too, so aim that arrow and shoot for gold, Centaur!
CAPRICORN (DEC 21 – JAN 19)
Ah, sea-goat. You’ve probably come to think that I don’t like you, dear little sea-goat. Well, sorry, it’s not me – it’s the universe! Although to be honest, it seems to have taken a slight liking to you this month. Family, intellect, love – they all prove rewarding this March. A childhood sweetheart may even resurface – like a drowned sea-goat bobbing up from the deep. Just watch out for foolish spending on and around the 22nd. Why am I warning you? Ugh – maybe even I have grown to like your watery ways. I said maybe!
AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
Urn holder, that nesting instinct is kicking in this month, so prepare to get your poo together. Yes, sort out money issues early on because it’s the perfect opportunity to get it all sorted this March. In fact, march on down to a financial advisor because if you don’t… well, you’re just mad like a Mad March Hare. Talk openly with a partner and you’ll be putting your mind at ease. Particularly since the 19th brings a new beginning for money and material matters.
PISCES (FEB 19 – MAR 22)
Seems you have all the luck on your side this month little fish. Perfect stars avail for personal influence and financial gain. Take charge of your life and you’ll be rewarded with respect and admiration from your authorities. The solar eclipse again brings more success your way so get ready – it’s time to swim upstream!
