Unfortunately domestic abuse is not exclusive to heterosexual couples. Abuse can occur in all types of relationships from monogamous to open, long-term or newly dating and even in non-romantic relationships such as those of housemate, carer or relative.
A common misconception is that domestic abuse means physical violence, when in fact there are many ways someone may be abusive. Whether it be emotional, social, financial, sexual or physical, no form of abuse is acceptable within a relationship and all can be seriously damaging.
Relatively little accurate research has been conducted into domestic abuse in same-sex relationships in Australia, however overseas studies suggest that general patterns and levels of abuse in same-sex relationships are comparable to those of heterosexual relationships.
Based on the results of a 2005 survey, the Australian Bureau of Statistics puts this figure at roughly 23 percent for women, although accurate figures are difficult to determine as most instances of domestic abuse go unreported. For similar reasons it is also difficult to determine numbers of men who experience abuse within a relationship.
There are numerous reasons why domestic abuse goes unreported in both heterosexual and DSG (Diverse Sexuality and Gender) relationships resulting in the subject remaining largely taboo within both communities. However members of the DSG community often face additional stigma due to their sexuality or gender.
In order to empower people enough to speak freely about domestic abuse it is important to educate and raise awareness of the issue.
‘Our organisation has to be very cautious about how we go about raising the issue, not only within the DSG community but in the wider community,’ said Mark Ravenscroft, Chairperson of SSDAG (Same Sex Domestic Abuse Group).
‘When we try and raise issues like this about DSG the fundamentalists can easily turn that info against us.’
Another delicate balancing act facing domestic abuse advocates is the fact that there are no specific services catering to the needs of DSG people.
‘When ACON (AIDS Council of NSW) released their domestic violence program some years ago they raised the issue within the community and they raised it quite strongly, and then they realised there was nowhere for anyone to go to do something about it,’ said Ravenscroft.
‘So from the day when SSDAG was formed, we were very aware of that.
‘We’ve got all this information and it’s come to the point now where we’re being unethical by not raising the issue within our community. We accept there aren’t any places to go, but we talk about other ways that you can get support.’
With limited funding, SSDAG does not have the resources to develop specific DSG domestic violence services but have worked to educate mainstream services in how to assist people of DSG. The organisation is in the process of developing guidelines for domestic violence telephone counsellors to assist them in dealing with calls from the DSG community.
‘Once those organisations have that information we are actively going to direct people to those organisations, knowing full well that they have a whole lot of information about DSG disadvantage in relation to domestic abuse and they’ll be able to respond appropriately, using the correct terminology and respect,’ said Ravenscroft.
‘These are little stop-gaps because we know that there aren’t specific services, so we’re looking at what can we do.’
Of course, one of the most important resources for anyone experiencing physical abuse is the police. While people of DSG have been hesitant to report instances of domestic violence in the past, WA Police have been working in conjunction with organisations such as SSDAG to improve confidence in the police force and their procedures.
At Pride Fairday 2009, officers from WA Police Recruitment joined SSDAG at their stall, handing out information on domestic violence and answering questions from members of the public.
‘I’ve got to take my hat off to the police,’ said Mr Ravenscroft.
‘We’ve had opportunities to meet with some very, very senior people at the police in the last couple of weeks, and they’ve been really helpful.’
SSDAG will soon be releasing an updated version of its printed resource titled Towards Freedom which includes a host of important information on domestic violence in DSG relationships.
‘I think the best thing people can do if they’re experiencing some sort of domestic abuse is just to talk to someone about it, someone who’s going to be supportive,’ said Ravenscroft.
Protecting yourself
If you are living with an abusive partner there are a number of things you can do to reduce the risk of injury to yourself (and your children):
Plan and practice (with your children) how you might escape from the house.
Where possible, keep weapons and knives locked up or inaccessible (eg removing knife-blocks from kitchen benches).
Let trusted friends, family or neighbours know about the abuse and let them know about your crisis plan.
Develop a code word or signal for friends, children or neighbours to call the police.
Teach your children that their responsibility during an incident is to stay safe – not to rescue you.
Program the police or a friend’s number into the speed dial on your phone.
Keep essential items like money, keys and identification somewhere you can access them quickly.
Plan where you will go and how you will get there in case you need to leave in a hurry.
If possible keep a record of any physical abuse, eg photos, maybe at your doctors or a friend.
If you decide to leave the relationship, there are measures you can take to protect yourself (and your children) from harm:
Apply for a VRO (Violence Restraining Order)
If you have a VRO, carry it with you at all times and give a copy of it and a photo of your partner to your children’s school.
Redirect your mail and/or get a post office box.
Be careful who you give your new address or phone number to.
Whereever possible, change your regular patterns of movement, for example travel to and from work by a different route, buy your groceries at a different shop, change the time and maybe location of regular appointments, consider moving your children to a new day care centre or school.
Ensure where you are staying is as safe as possible, look for security doors, lockable windows, motion-sensitive external lights etc.
Let important people know about your situation, like your boss and other work colleagues or your children’s teachers, so they know not to give out your details or can screen your calls.
Be aware that some people, who you thought you could trust, may collude with your former partner. They may say things like you are at fault or to blame or even suggest that you return to your former partner. Anyone suggesting this is not acting in your (or your children’s) best interest. Ending contact with them during this dangerous time should be seriously considered.
Continue to seek support from professionals.
For more information
Men’s Domestic Violence Helpline- 1800 000 599
The Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline- 1800 007 339
Police- 131 444 (in an emergency call- 000)
Gay and Lesbian Community Services (GLCS)- 9420 7201
Same Sex Domestic Abuse Group
www.ssdag.org.au
AIDS Council of NSW (ACON)
http://ssdv.acon.org.au/information/index.php
Lambda Community Services (USA)
http://www.lambda.org/DV_background.htm
*courtesy of ACON and SSDAG
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