With Father’s Day fast approaching, Out In Perth looks at the importance of gay dads…

A recent report has found almost one in three young gay men want to be fathers, despite the legal challenges facing this demographic.

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Twenty nine per cent of gay men aged between 18 and 24 said they were planning on having children while nineteen per cent of 24 to 34-year-olds also desired fatherhood.

The Not So Private Lives report was published by the University of Queensland earlier this year, the first study on same-sex relationships since the introduction of federally-recognised de facto status.

UQ researcher Sharon Dane co-authored the study and said there had been a shift in society reflecting a greater acceptance of gay parenting.

‘Without a doubt, if you look at the studies done 10 to 20 years ago, people’s attitudes have very much shifted. Even in Australia, the recent galaxy poll showed 60 per cent of Australians are in favour of same-sex marriage,’ Dane said.

‘Young men are looking at (fatherhood) as it’s in the future, so they could be thinking things are progressing.’

‘(The media) has shown two fathers raising children, so they are getting quite a positive message from that respect and they might think “well I’m young now, it will probably become even more positive in another five years,”’ Dane said.

For decades, research has repeatedly shown same-sex attracted parents were more than capable of child-rearing when compared to their heterosexual counterparts.

Researchers Judith Stacy and Timothy Biblarz wrote in 2006 of how gay couples tend to co-parent closer in a number of ways different to lesbian and heterosexual couples.

Studies have consistently shown gay male couples share the responsibilities of parenting more equally than heterosexual couples but not as equally as lesbian couples.

However, like most first-time parents, much mystery surrounds the art of parenthood, especially for two dads or mums who must compete with the residual stigma present in society.

Surrogacy and Support

Melbourne dads Trevor Elwell and Peter West are expecting their third surrogate child from India this month and are one of the first Australian same-sex couples to have children through an Indian surrogate.

Last year, Channel Nine’s 60 Minutes followed the couple to India, illustrating the precarious nature of overseas adoption; a process that is still substantially difficult.

Elwell said people still aren’t sure what same-sex parents look like but the feedback from their exposure to surrogacy was phenomenal.

‘We thought we were the generation that would miss out on children,’ Elwell said.
Elwell believes one of the greatest hurdles that continue in society is the use of language and a lack of understanding.

‘Some woman kept asking “who’s the father, who’s the father”, so I asked her “who’s the father of your children, the postman or the milkman?”’ he said.

As these two incredibly proud dads contemplate the next stage for their family and life, the couple have become a hub for questioning men who now see this type of family unit as a possibility.

‘(Men) come back to us for pointers on their journeys – now they must think about things that affect all parents like how do you choose a school?’ Elwell said.

At a time when there are more questions than answers for same-sex attracted men, a Victorian not-for-profit organisation has stepped up to the challenge of helping educate and stoke the embers of discussion in the first known gay dads’ conference in Australia.

Drummond Street Services Director of Family Well-being Helen Rimington played a major role in organising the September event, having received a great response so far.

‘We’ve been running the meeting place for parents with many gay men coming along for support – they spoke about the different ways they became dads, it doesn’t matter how they got there,’ Rimington said.

‘The forum will try to bring the community together, offer parenting skills and two legal sessions, to be prepared if you want to (have children),’

Rimington said that knowledge was power; she elaborated that many straight people had children by accident, so why shouldn’t same-sex attracted people be able to rear children as well.

Contemplating Adoption

Western Australia, like the rest of the country allows same-sex couples to have children through altruistic surrogacy.

However, WA is just one of three states in the country that currently allow same-sex adoption; ACT and Tasmania also allowing it.

In an attempt to add New South Wales to the list, state member and Lord Mayor of Sydney Clover Moore introduced a bill to the NSW Parliament last month that would allow same-sex adoption.

The bill will be debated on September 2 with sources confident that the bill will pass, as both major parties have allowed a conscience vote on the matter. Premier Kristina Keneally has also pledged her support.

While adoption and surrogacy remain the domain of state politics, the federal de facto status of homosexual parents now recognises many same-sex parents as their legal guardians.

Australia’s Human Rights Commissioner Catherine Branson said LGBTI people would be better off if we had federal anti-discrimination laws.
She said she would personally like to see this sort of legislation introduced but ‘we have to be realistic.’

‘Both major parties have lacked introducing such legislation, so even if we had a federal law, it’s likely it would be drafted to exempt LGBTI people,’ Branson said.

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child says the best interests of the child are paramount.

Branson strongly agreed with this view, reiterating that no couple should be arbitrarily denied the opportunity of adoption based on the gender of the parents.

‘As I understand it, 20 per cent of lesbian couples and five per cent of gay male couples were already raising children,’ Branson said.

Branson said each adoption case should be regarded individually and encouraged the remaining Australian states and territories to introduce same-sex adoption legislation.

The Gay Dads Conference will be held on September 18 and 19 at the Richmond Town Hall. Tickets are on sale; RSVP Zoe on 03 9639 2567.

Benn Dorrington

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