Not everyone’s parents react to process of coming out very well. Although a lot of the time we hear of traumatic and terrible experiences surrounding telling your parents you’re queer, its worth noting that for many people – the initial coming out is a positive experience. For those that are yet to come out to their family and friends, here is a story of hope, of two parents that took their 28 year old son coming out in an optimistic light.
Anne recalls the night Richard came home agitated and unsettled.
“I thought, what’s going on? I said ‘what’s wrong Richard? Is there something wrong? Has something happened? You seem very on edge.’ He insisted he was alright. He went in his room, back out again, he was building up the courage I suppose. He stood there and said ‘I’ve got something to tell you’.
“I said ‘for Christ sake, just tell us whatever it is. Just tell us because you’re making me very uneasy, I’m all on edge’. So that was it! He told us he was gay. I’m thinking is that all? Thank god that’s all it is. I thought it was something really bad you know! We sat down and had a talk and were chatting away and he said ‘yeah, I’m gay’.” Anne recalls instinctively jumping on Richard for a hug, feeling pain only for the fact he didn’t tell them earlier.
Their support didn’t just end with initial acceptance, the married couple were marching in the Pride parade alongside him the very next month, as well as attending a meeting with Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) the Saturday after he came out. It didn’t stop there, John and Anne frequently socialise with Richard and his queer friends, whether it be at his ‘Coming Out Party’ down the local pub, the Court or Clubwest events.
Neither John nor Anne can fathom how parents can disown or punish their kids for their sexuality; they both exclaimed how “you can’t just turn love off like a tap!”
John became the president of PFLAG the next year. Although he has since stepped down he urges struggling parents to attend meetings: “We’ve come up against parents where the kids have come out and it’s split their marriages. Mainly the men can’t handle it, especially if it’s a boy.”
If you wish to become involved in PFLAG head to the website.
