On her debut album raspy voiced Macy Gray demanded ‘We had such a good time, hey! Why didn’t you call me? I thought I’d see you again!’ It’s a question I’m finding my single friends, straight and gay alike, asking more and more often after what they thought was a good date. If anecdotal evidence is anything to go by in Perth’s gay dating scene, there are many time wasters out there and far too many guys and girls turn out to be Mr. Wrongs. OUTinPerth’s relationship observationist Brett Dias advises what to do when he never calls…
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You meet someone. They like you. You like them. You have a good time, then there’s nothing. Was he keen on your first date? Did he laugh heartily at your witty banter? Commend you on your style? Your smile? And he hasn’t called since? Sorry fella, you’ve been schmucked. It’s ok – it’s happened to all of us.
There are few things more frustrating in the dating world than misreading signs and putting yourself out there only to be horribly mistaken. The only thing potentially worse is if he cheats on you with your best friend. But that’s another column. Welcome to the world of dating. It’s a war zone thinly disguised as an amusement park.
Everyone out there uses some type of arsenal in the dating world battle field. The nuclear weapon of choice? Unreturned phone calls. It’s a blow to the ego and leaves innocent daters screaming for answers. The truth is most of us would prefer a call, just to be told that we shouldn’t be holding our breath.
If you’re checking your phone for missed calls, messages or bad reception then you need to wake up to the disappointing fact: he isn’t going to call. This may surprise you considering how keen he was the first time you met, but this is just the nature of Mr. Hot’n’Cold. He may not even mean it; it’s just his way. Move on. Here’s the good news – it’s not your fault, so don’t take it personally. However, if it is happening time and time again, then drastic action may be required to deal with time wasters.
Personally, I believe we, the members of OUTinPerth’s queer single community, need to create a database of time wasters who don’t return calls. Real estate agents have black books of tenants who don’t pay rent. Bankers have lists of folks with bad credit. The dating community needs the same kind of database. We need a number we can call or a complete monitoring system filled with all the time wasters we encounter while innocently dating our way through this city. This way when you meet someone even before the first date you can check the list to make sure the latest object of your affection isn’t on it.
While we are at it maybe these people can be fitted with tiny tracking systems that beep when they are about to say something ridiculous like ‘I had a great time, I’ll call you’ At this point a giant van screeches towards you filled with rifled men in black uniforms who quietly escort Mr. Time Waster away. You’d be left momentarily confused but you have to admit it’s better than waiting for a call that would never have happened anyway.
Unfortunately, we can’t formally name and shame these time wasters (as much as I would like to publish the names of each and everyone I’ve come across in my dating years). Nor can we employ an FBI like service to round them up and send them to the abattoir (Although I’m still giving this some serious thought). In a boutique city like Perth, this hardly matters. The gay network at the Court, Connections and Beaufort Street is bad news for serial time wasters because word spreads fast and reputation tends to stick.
So, when you’re waiting on the phone call, there’s nothing wrong with doing a little research to find out more about who you’re dating… there’s bound to be someone in Perth who knows the stuff you might not be privy to. Try drinks on Beaufort Street; you’re bound to run into someone who’s in the loop as to whether you’re about to go on a date with a time waster.
If the word of mouth lets you down and you find yourself waiting for a call that is never going to come, you or your object of affection may come up with a million excuses, including:
- Maybe they didn’t get my text
- Maybe they don’t have any credit
- Maybe their phone was lost, or stolen and now they don’t have my number
- Maybe they are lying in a hospital bed in a coma after being hit by a truck with nothing but the beeping of their life support machine to keep them company.
The only valid reason for not returning a call is the last excuse. Barring that, remember the cardinal rule of the dating world: Never automatically blame yourself when you don’t get the call you’ve been waiting on all week. Move on to the next one. It could be a disaster, but then again, it could actually work out this time… provided they call.
