#GayBoyProblems: Grief Comes in Stages
It can be hard being a single GayBoy in a busy city. Everywhere you look and turn there is one good-looking guy after another. Down the street, at the coffee shop, in magazines, at the club, on Facebook, on Instagram, in the underwear section of a Big W catalogue, on Billboards, in theatre shows… These flawless men are overwhelming everywhere! I have jokingly played an internal game with myself for some time now called “He’ll Do”. The rules are simple, you see a guy you like the look of and you think to yourself “HE’LL DO!” and then you decide if he’ll do for sex, for the weekend, for a laugh, or for a long term loving relationship involving children, pets, a restored cottage and a white picket fence. While it’s fun to fantasize about how your hypothetical relationship might play out, it is also incredibly sad. But for the feeble single boys out there, it’s ok to grieve over these relationships that never existed. This grief happens over 5 stages:
1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction after realising you are single and pining over a man you’ll never have is to deny that you’ll never have him. You think to yourself because although you walked past him in a busy mall and neither of you made eye contact he might happen to know a friend of a friend and you might see him at that party you’re invited to on Facebook, and after you meet at the party he’ll message you explaining his undying love for you and you’ll live happily ever after.
2. Anger
Past the denial you realise life is not a fairytale and you don’t know him, no-one you know has any idea who he is and he’s already 4kms in the other direction never to be seen again. Naturally this will make you see red and you’ll get grumpy.
3. Bargaining
Moving on from anger you begin to bargain in attempts’ to regain control. You think that you COULD Facestalk this stranger, look up his workplace from the logo you glanced at on his shirt or figure out what modeling agency booked him into that catalogue. Then you could (not creepily at all) casually bump into him at his gym and flirt wondrously, sparking up a once in a lifetime connection. Or perhaps you think “no, I could have deliberately tripped on my shoelace” causing your new crush to grab you gallantly stopping you from plummeting to the unforgiving pavement. You COULD do all these things and you wouldn’t be single anymore. You might even pray to your chosen deity and maybe they’ll fix all your problems!?
4. Depression
Well you didn’t do any of these things and you’re still single so it’s high time you reach for the cake and ice cream and watch a Zac Efron film.
5. Acceptance
Not all GayBoys reach this stage of mourning; some are forever stuck in the cycle where following depression they see and pine over a new unattainable man. For the few that pull themselves together and realise time should not be wasted on the hypothetical, they manage to focus their energy on the cute boy that been liking all their Instagram photos. They focus on the boy offering to buy them a drink, even though he’s approximately 2.8 inches shorter than your ideal height and could have worn better shoes. They focus on actually enjoying their lives in spite of still being single.
Matthew Edwards
> Other posts in this series: here
> Gay Boy Problems: Anthela Basigera
> Gay Boy Problems: Who’s Your Daddy?
> Gay Boy Problems: Have Some Scents
