Westeros is chock full of mad babes. Do you belong in the muscular arms of an honourable knight or in the midst of a wintry romance with a wildling woman? Will you join your woman on a quest for power and justice or would you rather be curled up in front of the fire combing your lover’s hair and surveying your many riches and shallow gene pool? Find out by taking our scientifically accurate and dermatogically tested quiz, and then you shall know who will win the iron throne in your heart!
1. What is most important to you?
A: Honour
B: Love
C: Family
D: Survival
E: Loyalty
2. What is your ideal first date activity?
A: Going to see a duel or some fencing.
B: Throwing a barbeque and eating some horse hearts
C: A civilised dinner party with the whole family
D: Anything as long as nobody dies
E: Archery
3. A girl would automatically steal your heart if she:
A: Beat a guy in a fight
B: Freed a bunch of slaves using arson
C: Was your twin sister
D: Looked super pretty in a gold dress
E: Tied you up and held you captive
4. Select your biggest turnoff from the following options:
A: Wanton butchery
B: Slavery
C: Arranged Marriage
D: Patricide
E: Betrayal
5. Your ideal lady spends her weekends:
A: Training so she can be crazy fit.
B: On a quest to rule the world.
C: Taking care of the family
D: Socializing
E: Hiking in the wilderness
6. Where is your ideal romantic holiday?
A: A log cabin in the woods
B: A beach or desert oasis
C: Just some time off at home
D: Anywhere other than here
E: In the snow
7. What would you most likely be arrested for?
A: Getting into a fight ticking up for what you believe in
B: Arson
C: Incest
D: I’m far too sensible to get arrested
E: Attempted murder
Mostly As:
Your lesbian lover is none other than everyone’s favourite butch with a heart of gold, Brienne of Tarth! Brienne is a tall glass of water who’s handy with a sword and gallant as can be. Not only does she destroy those who mock her masculine-of-centre ways with her mad combat skills, she’s also one of the few characters in the debauched Game of Thrones universe with real sense of honour. When Brienne swears her loyalty to somebody she means it, whether it’s Lord Renly Baratheon or Lady Catelyn Stark. On the first date Brienne would insist you wear her jacket when it gets cold and hold open every door for you. When you move in together she’ll kill every cockroach and open every jar. And with her towering, muscular physique she’s the ideal big spoon. Stone. Cold. Babe.
Mostly Bs:
Your lady lover is destined to be Daenerys Targaryan, the Mother of Dragons! If you’re unconvinced that the Khaleesi is a member of the Velvet Sisterhood, cast your mind back to that one scene in the first season of the television series when she straddles one of her maids. It took the eager hand of one of her female servants to teach her the ways of love, and if that wasn’t Sapphic enough, consider her change of wardrobe over the course of the story: from the flowing, delicate gowns to riding pants and leather boots. Daenerys is headstrong, fierce and determined to lead. She needs a lady who can match that highly flammable passion.
Mostly Cs:
Your lesbian lover is Cersei Lannister, cool blonde queen of King’s Landing. While it may be difficult to win her over without being a direct blood relation, Cersei has strong family values and will do anything to ensure the power and prosperity of the Lannister clan. Clever, manipulative and with a definite cruel streak, Cersei Lannister is the dominant type and would make an excellent top. Plus she’s portrayed in the TV series by Lena Headey, who is not only totally bangin’ but also leading lady in the lesbian romance classic ‘Imagine Me and You’.
Mostly Ds:
Your fictional fantasy girlfriend is redheaded femme and jewel of the North Sansa Stark! Sansa, once a naive young thing set on the life of a fairytale princess has done some serious growing up since her fiancé had her father executed and she became a hostage of the Lannisters. Sansa knows how to keep her act together and survive in a world where she’s basically treated like the deed to a nice big plot of land. She deserves to be taken somewhere nice where she isn’t on the end of an arranged marriage or assassination attempt.
Mostly Es:
Your lesbian lover is fierce wilding lady and archery master Ygritte! Ygritte is known for being a smoking hot babe in furs and reminding John Snow that he knows nothing. She is a romantic and resilient enough to thrive in the brutally cold and dangerous world beyond the wall. She’s also seductive, cheeky and knows how to ride a horse. What more could you want from a woman? Just don’t cross her or you might end up with an arrow sticking out of your chest.
Sophie Joske
