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Living well with HIV – Handling fear
Today, many gay men in Perth have little or no contact with a person living with HIV (PLHIV). For many their only reference points to the HIV epidemic are the ongoing condom reinforcement, safer sex messages and education/prevention campaigns produced by the WA AIDS Council. As a community, we have been very effective in articulating the importance of preventing and avoiding HIV, but we haven’t always been so good at avoiding stigmatising or discriminating against PLHIV.
Often gay men expect HIV positive and other STI status communication to occur before sex, with the reason provided for this expectation is so that they can exercise their right to protect their health. Sadly, once a PLHIV communicates their HIV status a lot of people react by rejecting, shaming, ignoring and avoiding that person. Some gay men even take things further and communicate the other person’s HIV status to their friends and acquaintances as they think it is their civil duty – ‘gossip is ok if I am protecting a friend’.
The natural consequence of the stigmatising and discriminating behaviour is that PLHIV are virtually invisible from the Perth gay community. Many PLHIV have long since adapted to this behaviour by choosing not to communicate their HIV status and where possible meeting others with HIV or who are HIV friendly for support and a social life. Protection of one’s own HIV status can become paramount in order to avoid the worst social consequences of living with HIV. Some people avoid HIV testing, not because of the fear to their health, but in order to avoid experiencing a HIV stereotype of rejection shame and embarrassment. ‘He’s toxic’, ‘he isn’t clean’ or ‘he has the lurgy – avoid him’ are all stigmatising and unacceptable. If we really believe in improving ourselves and the community we live in, then getting a better handle of our HIV fear is a good place to start, as is learning new ways to communicate with PLHIV.
So what could be the etiquette on how to handle a communication of HIV positive status? Firstly stay calm. Whether you know it or not, it is very likely you have been engaging with PLHIV for some time. Secondly, look the person in the eye and acknowledge that they have communicated something that is very personal and often very difficult to say. Thirdly, admit to your fears and perhaps take this opportunity to learn from them or access some education from WAAC or other reliable sources. Fourthly, be curious and ask how they are travelling. Find out what is it like for them to live with HIV in 2009. Fifthly, reassure the person that you are HIV friendly and will be private with the information you have received. And last but not least, keep talking and be socially inclusive even if you agree that you are not ready to have sex. My belief is that we can all make little changes that, in aggregate, create the compassionate world we choose to live in. Happy Pride!
Cipri Martinez
