Being a private investigator ain’t what it’s cracked up to be, let me tell you. Oh sure, those bigwigs at the movies tell ya it’s all cases involving enigmatically treacherous broads with gams up to their eyebrows throwing themselves at you to get the whereabouts of some priceless missing statue of some friggin’ bird. But it’s different in real life. No one tries to send you to the Big Sleep over a commemorative figurine of the fourth Doctor Who and K9. And who wants some doll coming at you with a stiletto in her stilettos when you’re a Kinsey 6 anyhoo? There may well be plenty of dames flinging themselves at you in the PI business, but where are the… er…Dukes…Well, there is that Magnum guy I suppose, but moustaches and floral-print shirts are so eighties… Nope, the only guy who regularly sleeps in the fold-out bed in my detective agency office is some stupid cartoon rabbit, and even he won’t put out because he’s married to some doll with the voice of Kathleen Turner. Still, at least I don’t have it as bad as Mick St. John. I’m telling you, that guy takes the Batman game a little too literally, if you pick up what I’m layin’ down. Oh, you ain’t heard of St. John? Well, pass me that case…no, not the filing cabinet, that case of Scotch… and I’ll spin you a yarn of supernatural seamuses and a private detective who sucks in more ways than one, as we investigate MOONLIGHT (Nine, Tuesdays, 9:30pm).
MOONLIGHT is a new supernatural action-thriller series about a private detective based in Los Angeles, the aforementioned Mick St. John. He’s a PI who only works the night shift – not because he wants to, but because if he worked the day shift he’d find it difficult to solve cases, what with being constantly on fire and all. Mick is a half-century old vampire, who conveniently doesn’t look a day over twenty-five. Whilst his bloodsucker buddies in the upper echelons of Hollywood occasionally drain the odd actress or screenwriter, they tend to be self-absorbed rather than evil and keep a low profile (although the fact that they haven’t drained the Wayans Brothers yet and spared the world more SCARY MOVIE and LITTLE BIG MAN sequels suggests they may be more evil than they’re letting on). Mick (played by sorta-sexy Aussie actor Alex O’Loughlin, whom was last seen whipping a lot more than his fangs out in the Aussie horror film FEED) is trying to atone for the bloody atrocities he’s committed in the past 55 years by protecting the very people he used to pop like Pringles. He finds himself getting hauled back into the affairs of the human world when he is attracted to a journalist, Beth Turner (Sophia Miles), much to the amusement of his mentor and best friend, the 400 year old Josef Konstantin (hot 20-something actor Jason Dohring, whom I actually know a little – hey, I’m allowed to namedrop, I’m a journalist!!) and the disgust of his sire, his former bride, Coraline (Shannon Sossamon from RULES OF ATTRACTION). Mick turned into a vampire when bitten by Coraline on their wedding night – guess the traditional hanging of the bed linen out of the window in the morning wasn’t showy enough for her. Mick has to balance his love for Beth and his desire to help humans with his loyalty to his species and his commitment to keeping the existence of vampires a secret.
Living such a long ‘life,’ your average vampire must have a colossal memory – almost as long as Cliff Richards’. Unfortunately, for this show, some humans have a long memory too. This particular human, for instance, remembers a little show called ANGEL which featured a vampire PI who was not afraid to be as homoerotic as all get out… Indeed, I believe Angel was a spin-off from some show about a chosen one – Bunny? Bitchy?… Something like that – that also dealt with a romance between a remorseful reformed vampire and an annoying, whiny blond. Those viewers of a more refined vintage (such as AB- or B+) may also recall the late Eighties-early Nineties series FOREVER KNIGHT, which featured a remorseful ancient vampire…moonlighting… as a cop to pay for past misdeeds in-between flashing back to his past and meeting his compatriots, an ancient, amoral best-friend/nemesis and the beautiful woman, now a vampire, that he loved. Sound familiar? MOONLIGHT is suspiciously similar to FOREVER KNIGHT in particular, even doing the whole ‘fast motion sunrise/sunset’ montage thing at the beginning of each episode. The men of MOONLIGHT are, however, much cuter, and while Alex O’Loughlin may be yet another in a long line of Aussie actors who lose their accent as soon as they land in LA, he’s nonetheless delectable. Plus, there’s Jason Dohring, who, as Konstantin, drains the scenery as well as the supporting cast. Blink and you’ll miss buff Kiwi actor Dean O’Gorman (YOUNG HERCULES) as a vampiric madman. Grrls should get a kick out of Shannen Sossamon devouring the scenery that Konstantin leaves behind, whilst wearing a variety of beautiful, flowing, low cut dresses.
It may leave a familiar taste in your mouth, but it’s worth a bite or two!
