As a parent of a transgender child, I wanted to share my story in hopes that it will help parents of trans, gay, or lesbian children, and also to hopefully help those who are afraid to come out to open up to family and friends.

I raised two children on my own since their mother left us when my children were only 2 and 3 years of age. That was 22 years ago. Both were born female, and though we had difficulties through the years, we survived everything life threw at us.

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A week before Father’s Day in 2016 my eldest child sent me a text message asking me to meet with her for lunch for Father’s Day as she had something very urgent to tell me. She said to me “Dad, I need to talk to you about something, and I don’t know how you will handle it”.

All week I was in a panic, and kept calling and asking her to just tell me what was wrong. She insisted on waiting until we were face to face. My mind was racing, “what is wrong with my child?

Has she got some disease or illness that is life threatening?” We lost my mother to breast cancer when my mother was only 53, and I knew that breast cancer can be hereditary, so this was my biggest fear.

We met for lunch on Father’s Day. She was dressed in shirt, jacket, trousers and bow tie, but as she is a Dr Who fan I figured this was just something to do with her cosplay activities. We went to a café for lunch, and as I sat down opposite her I said “Ok, tell me, what is wrong?”

“Dad, I am transgender” she said. My heart melted. My child had been going through torment trying to figure out how to tell me that she was gender dysphoric. I took my child in my arms, held her close to me, and said “I love you no matter what you choose to do in life. If this is what you want to do, I will support you 100%.”

She said to me “You aren’t disappointed?” Of course I wasn’t disappointed. Why should I be? My child had found what was necessary to be happy. For years my child had suffered depression, anxiety, and numerous other conditions and I had no idea how to help.

Alexander came out that day, and we were both in tears. My daughter, now my son, had been stressing about how to tell me that she was a boy in the wrong body. There was no reason for Alex to be afraid to tell me.

Was I confused at first? Definitely. Did I understand what was happening? Absolutely not. But I talked with Alex and he explained to me about Gender Dysphoria, and how he hated feeling that he was in the wrong body. I realised why he had suffered so much over the years. Sure, it was a huge adjustment, and I don’t know how often I mistakenly called him a she, or used his birth name, but I got used to it.

My son, who took the traditional family middle name as his own middle name, now no longer suffers anxiety and depression, and is so much happier than he had been for years. He is engaged to be married to a very caring, and lovely young man, and is also studying to be a teacher. I am proud of my son. I am proud to be his father.

For parents of children facing these situations, you might feel confused at first, but those children are still your children no matter what. Unconditional love is the greatest gift we can give to our children.

And those of you who are yet to come out, don’t be afraid. Discuss it with your parents. Tell them how you feel. I cannot guarantee that your parents will be as supportive as I am, as we all react and adjust differently, but bottling it up, hiding it in the closet, keeping it under the rug is never going to help your own mentality.

One thing I can guarantee is that once you come out and tell your family, you will feel a huge sense of relief. That weight will be lifted.

I hope this story helps a lot of people in facing their situations.

Brenton Foale

Do you have a personal story or perspective you’d like to share? Email your story to OUTinPerth’s editor.

Looking for some support organisations? Check out OUTinPerth’s community listings which include organisations like Transfolk WA, Living Proud and PFLAG – the Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (and transgender people too).